The Beauty of Chaos

Excavations of the Soul

2012-02-01T14:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm not a great blogger. But I do write a booklet each year to give to my family and friends about my experiences of the previous year and what I learned etc. I've decided to share it on my blog. So, for your viewing/reading pleasure, here is my 2011 booklet, titled "Excavations of the Soul." Enjoy!Excavations of the Soul

El Recado (The Message)

2011-06-01T21:55:00.011-05:00

When I was in school at BYU, I took several Spanish classes to get enough credits to fill out a minor in Spanish teaching. In my Spanish Literature class one day we read a short story, (which I think is more of a letter) called, "El Recado," The Message, by a woman named Elena Poniatowski. It caught my eye and touched me in a different sort of way. Let me give you a quick synopsis (and then I will post the story at the end of my blog post, and a translation for those of you who don't speak Spanish):

The woman in the story/letter goes to visit a man, named Martin, but he is not at home. One may assume that it is a boyfriend of sorts. The entire story is a sort of monologue/letter that she writes to him. She obviously cares deeply for him. She describes how she wants to be with him day after day, and she basically professes her deep love for him. She waits and waits for him and then the sun goes down. Obviously discouraged that he never arrives, she decides that the letter she is writing may not be the best option. She wants to tell him that she loves him, but decides, instead, to just go to the neighbor and have her relay a simple message that she came.

The message is, that she came. It's kind of a heartbreaking letter. She waits all day and never gets to see Martin. However, the reader is never quite sure what Martin's feelings are for this woman. The whole letter is full of uncertainty despite the woman's efforts to force her feelings and desires into reality.

At the beginning of my post I wrote that this story/letter touched me in an unusual way. It made me start to think about the role of women in the world and how they have sometimes been portrayed in the past and in today's society as the "docile" and submissive end of a relationship. Although much has been done to change the view of women, I feel like there is still some of that sentiment prevalent in many women themselves. They have this pervasive, smothering idea embedded in their minds that they must wait and wait and wait for the love of their life to decide whether he wants them or not, until it breeds desperation.

In "El Recado" the woman says that "all women wait." As the story unfolds and draws to a close, she does not give him the letter she has written as she has been waiting. Nor does she wait any longer. And I think that is significant.

"El Recado" Por Elena Poniatowski
Vine Martín, y no estás. Me he sentado en el peldaño de tu casa, recargada en tu puerta y pienso que en algún lugar de la ciudad, por una onda que cruza el aire, debes intuir que aquí estoy. Es este tu pedacito de jardín; tu mimosa se inclina hacia afuera y los niños al pasar le arranzan las ramas más accesibles... En la tierra, sembradas alrededor del muro, muy rectilíneas y serias veo unas flores que tienen hojas como espadas. Son azul marino, parecen soldados. Son muy graves, muy honestas. Tú también eres un soldado. Marchas por la vida, uno, dos, uno, dos... Todo tu jardín es sólido, es como tú, tiene una reciedumbre que inspira confianza.
Aquí estoy contra el muro de tu casa, así como estoy a veces contra el muro de tu espalda. El sol da también contra el vidrio de tus ventanas y poco a poco se debilita porque ya es tarde. El cielo enrojecido ha calentado tu madreselva y su olor se vuelve aún más penetrante. Es el atardecer. El día va a decaer. Tu vecina pasa. No sé si me habrá visto. Va a regar su pedazo de jardín. Recuerdo que ella te trae una sopa cuando estás enfermo y que su hija te pone inyecciones... Pienso en ti muy despacio, com si te dibujara dentro de mí y quedaras allí grabado. Quisiera tener la certeza de que te voy a ver mañana y pasado mañana y siempre en una cadena ininterrumpida de días; que podré mirarte lentamente aunque ya me sé cada rinconcito de tu rostro; que nada entre nosotros ha sido provisional o un accidente.
Estoy inclinada ante una hoja de papel y te escribo todo esto y pienso que ahora, en alguna cuadra donde camines apresurado, decidido como sueles hacerlo, en alguna de esas calles por donde te imagino siempre: Donceles y Cinco de Febrero o Venustiano Carranza, en alguna de esas banquetas grises y monocordes rotas sólo por el remolino de gente que va a tomar el camión, has de saber dentro de tí que te espero. Vine nada más a decirte que te quiero y como no estás te lo escribo. Ya casi no puedo escribir porque ya se fue el sol y no sé bien a bien lo que te pongo. Afuera pasan más niños, corriendo. Y una señora con una olla advierte irritada: "No me sacudas la mano porque voy a tirar la leche..." Y dejo este lápiz, Martín, y dejo la hoja rayada y dejo que mis brazos cuelguen inútilmente a lo largo de mi cuerpo y te espero. Pienso que te hubiera querido abrazar. A veces quisiera ser más vieja porque la juventud lleva en sí, la imperiosa, la implacable necesidad de relacionarlo todo con el amor.
Ladra un perro; ladra agresivamente. Creo que es hora de irme. Dentro de poco vendrá la vecina a prender la luz de tu casa; ella tiene llave y encenderá el foco de la recámara que da hacia afuera porque en esta colonia asaltan mucho, roban mucho. A los pobres les roban mucho; los pobres se roban entre sí... Sabes, desde mi infancia me he sentado así a esperar, siempre fui dócil, porque te esperaba. Sé que todas las mujeres aguardan. Aguardan la vida futura, todas esas imágenes forjadas en la soledad, todo ese bosque que camina hacia ellas; toda esa inmensa promesa que es el hombre; una granada que de pronto se abre y muestra sus granos rojos, lustrosos; una granada como una boca pulposa de mil gajos. Más tarde esas horas vividas en la imaginación, hechas horas reales, tendrán que cobrar peso y tamaño y crudeza. Todos estamos --oh mi amor-- tan llenos de retratos interiores, tan llenos de paisajes no vividos.
Ha caído la noche y ya ycasi no veo lo que estoy borroneando en la hoja rayada. Ya no percibo las letras. Allí donde no le entiendas en los espacios blancos, en los huecos, pon: "Te quiero..." No sé si voy a echar esta hoja debajo de la puerta, no sé. Me has dado un tal respeto de ti mismo... Quizá ahora que me vaya, sólo pase a pedirle a la vecina que te dé el recado: que te diga que vine.

"The Message" English Translation
I came to see you, Martin, and you are not here. I am sitting on the front step of your house, leaning against your door, and I think that in some place in the city, as if by a sound wave that passes through the air, you should know that I am here. This is your little garden; the mimosa is stretching and children passing by pull its closest branches. I see scattered around on the ground some very straight and formal flowers that have leaves like swords. They are navy blue and look like soldiers. They are very important, very honest. You are also a soldier. You are marching for your life one, two; one, two…Your whole garden is solid; it is like you with a strength that inspires confidence.

Here I am against the wall of your house, the way I sometimes lean against your back. The sun also strikes the windowpanes and because it is already late, it is gradually fading. The red-hot sun has warmed your honeysuckle, and its fragrance becoming even more penetrating. It is twilight. The day is drawing to a close. Your neighbor passes by. I don’t know if she sees me. She is going to water her little garden. I remember that she brings you noodle soup when you are sick, and that her daughter gives you injections…I think about you very deliberately, as if I drew you inside of me and you remained drawn there. I would like to be sure that I am going to see you tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and always in an uninterrupted chain of days; that I will be able to look at you slowly, even though I know every little corner of your face; that nothing between us has been provisional or accidental.

I am leaning over a piece of paper, and I am writing all this to you, and I think that now, in some city block where you may be walking in a hurry in your usual decisive way you are on one of those streets where I always imagine you to be: on the corner of Donceles and Cinco de Febrero or Venusiano Carranzana Street, seated on any of those monotonous gray benches which are broken only by the crowd of people hurrying to take the bus; you must know within yourself that I am waiting for you.

I came only to tell you that I love you, and because you are not here, I am writing to you. I can hardly write now because the sun already set. I’m not sure what I’m putting down. Outside more children come running by. And an irritated woman carrying a pot warns, “Don’t shake my hand because I will spill the milk…” And I drop the pencil, Martin, and I drop the lined paper, and I let my arms hang uselessly along my body, and I’m waiting for you.

I’m thinking that I would love to hug you. Sometimes I would like to be older because youth carries within itself the imperious, implacable need to relate everything to love.

A dog barks; a hostile bark. I think that it’s time for me to go. In a little while the neighbor will come to put on the lights of your house; she has the key and will put on the light in your bedroom, which faces out on the street, because in this neighborhood there are a lot of assaults and robberies. They rob the poor often; the poor rob each other…You know, since I was a child I have sat down like this to wait; I was always docile because I was waiting for you. I know that all women wait. They wait for future life, for all those images forged in solitude, for all that forest that moves toward them; for all that immense promise that is a man; a pomegranate that suddenly is opened and showed its shining red seed; a pomegranate like a ripe mouth with a thousand sections. Later those hours lived imagination, made into real hours, will have to take on weight and size and rawness. Oh, my love, we are so full of interior portraits, so full of unlived landscapes.

It is now nighttime and I almost cannot see what I am scribbling on this lined paper. I cannot perceive the letter. There, where you may not understand, put in the white empty spaces: “I love you…” I don’t know if I am going to slip this paper under your door; I don’t know. You have made me respect you…Perhaps now that I am leaving, I may stop only to ask your neighbor to give you the message; that she should tell you that I came.

Very Profound...

2010-10-20T19:31:00.005-05:00

I just finished reading some blogs that have been written by family and friends. They are very informative and some of them are written so well. It kind of makes me discouraged. I don't really have anything profound to say and I definitely don't know how to make it sound profound even if it isn't.

Oh well. It's almost dinner time and my big- wait, GINORMOUS- cat just plopped down on my lap and is shedding like it's time to get a new coat or something. So that means this blog won't be too painfully long. And I just found out my nephews are coming over to play!

So, I didn't get my blog post finished before my nephews arrived. We played with some puzzles, fire trucks, and cars. Then we decided to watch a movie. Here's a video of Lincoln watching "Baby Mormon." You'll notice if you watch closely that he is using some blueberry flavored chapstick quite liberally. (If you ask me, I think he's eating it. But good for him! You've got to live a little while you're a kid!) I'm trying to think of something profound to say about chapstick...or eating it. I guess I'll work on that.

Lake Powell

2010-10-17T21:47:00.005-05:00

My family just returned from a trek to Lake Powell! It was great. We camped on the beach at Lone Rock campground. It was a different experience at Lake Powell than we usually have. Usually it's battling the heat and loving the refreshing water. This time the air temperature was in the upper 70s and it cooled down into the mid 50s at night. For one who loves the cooler air- especially at night- it was great! But the cooler water was a little bit too chilly to be comfortable in. Although once you were in for a while, after much shivering, you could get used to it.

But it was great being with my family and being out on the lake. I think Lake Powell is one of the most beautiful places in the world! Then again- I haven't been across the whole world, so I can't say for certain (thus, the caveat of "i think").

Well, this is kind of a short update, but I'm trying to follow through with my goal of blogging more on a regular basis.

2010-10-10T11:20:00.001-05:00

So consistent blogging is obviously not a strength of mine. I just downloaded this new blogger app for my iPhone so I can attempt to update my blog more frequently.

Having said that about a month ago I was talking with a friend whom I hadn't seen for some time and she said, "You need to update your blog more often!" I promised her I would and yet here I am weeks later finally taking the time to do it. I'm horrible! But nifty gadgets on my phone may be the cure...we'll see.

If I haven't seen you in the last two years, read this: I graduated from Western Illinois University with my master's degree in Sport Psychology in May 2009. It was awesome! I guess in my last blog post I wrote about not finding a job in my field. So, thank goodness for a Quiznos opportunity. I worked at my dad's stores in North Salt Lake and Kaysville for a year. I managed the Kaysville store for 6 months or so. I started applying for wilderness therapy jobs in April. I told my dad that he should start looking for a more permanent manager for the store so if I got a job he would have someone to take over. Then I got a call from a program in Huntington, Utah that wanted me to interview with them.

The phone interview went well so they invited me to go on a five day backpacking training. It didn't guarantee that I would have the job, but it was a way to see if the job and program were a good fit for me. So the first week of June I went on this training excursion. It was neat! We learned some cool skills (like how to make a fire with a bow drill set that we made ourselves) and I learned a lot about how the program worked. In the end they offered me the job and I didn't feel right about it. I told them I would be unable to accept the position.

In the meantime my dad had hired a new manager at Quiznos. I started working at the North Salt Lake store and have been there ever since.

I applied for teaching jobs all over and I interviewed a few times for jobs in the area, but nothing worked out.

That is my story. And here I am.

I'm going to be better at updating my blog on a regular basis.

Aspiring to Quiznos?

2009-11-02T20:10:00.003-06:00

Quiznos.

A place where ovens speak and the repetition of the letter M is practically a full sentence. And it is now my full time job. I should've gone for my MBA rather than a master's in sport psychology, I guess.

Although I'm not technically utilizing the knowledge I gained during my master's degree, I consider that time and money well spent. If you were to measure the profit from my degree by life experiences gained and life lessons learned I would be getting a full return on my investment.

I remember several years ago when I was considering going into a master's degree program right after I graduated from BYU. I spoke with a couple friends who had completed their master's degree. One said it was something she would benefit from in every aspect of her life. She said it would make her a better mother. Another friend said it was one of the few things she would feel good about going into debt for. Both of them had very positive experiences.

When I went into my sport psychology program, I had no idea what I was getting into. But I got far more than I expected. I was able to grow as a person and solidify some of my ow personal beliefs. My testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ expanded and deepened. I met some incredible people, who really influenced me for the better. They have made me more aware of my own weaknesses and strengths, which is one of the greatest gifts a friend can give.

And now, yes, I am again working at the same job I worked at every summer I was home from college. And I am working at a job that I vowed I would never go back to once I finished my degree(s). At times I've wondered if all my hard work at grad school was worth it, now that I've aspired to another position at Quiznos. Although I'd rather be using my degree directly, I am so grateful for the experiences I had while working toward my graduate degree. I would never wish to change that. I am a different person - even if I am at the same old job.

Long Time

2009-07-25T14:22:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged for a long time! A lot has transpired since I last wrote. I have now graduated from Western Illinois University with my master's degree and I'm in the process of job hunting. I moved back home to Utah to live with my parents while I'm in job limbo.

So, what have I been doing? I've been spending lots of time with my family and enjoying my nephews. I spent a week with my friend, Jamie, who flew out from Iowa to hang out with me here in SLC area. I've been to Pineview Reservoir a few times to wakeboard and tube. I went to a family reunion for my mom's family at Snowbird. So far my summer has been lots of fun!

I'm hoping to be more consistent at blogging. I think it's a great way to keep in touch with everyone. I hope everyone is having a great summer!

Cross One Off the Bucket List

2009-04-09T19:49:00.008-05:00

Have you seen the movie the Bucket List? Well, one of the things I would put on my bucket list would be to go to the NCAA Women's Final Four games. This year the women's Final Four was in St. Louis, which is only 3 hours from where I am in Illinois right now. I couldn't pass up the opportunity! So this past Tuesday me and my good friend, Jamie, went to the championship game! It was awesome! Even though the game wasn't that exciting it was fun to watch history being made in the women's game when UConn went undefeated for the third time in their history. 39-0. (The BYU women's teams is one of their wins.) The only other school that has had more undefeated seasons in either men's or women's basketball history is UCLA when John Wooden was coaching Kareem-Abdul Jabar and Bill Walton.

Jamie and I got nosebleed seats, but just before half time I got a call from my Sport Psych advisor here at WIU, Dr. Finch, who was at the game, and she said there were two seats in front of her that no one was seating it. So we upgraded! It was sweet! Here's just a taste of my experience.

Here I am out in the halls before the game.
Here's a picture of the court before the game (above). Jamie and I from our nosebleed seats (below). The starting line-ups...(left)This is a picture from the upgraded seats near Dr. Finch (above).
Here's Jamie and I from the upgrades (above).
Last seconds in the game...(left)
This is after UConn spanked Louisville big time and they did the trophy presentation.

I had such a great time. I just wanted to soak it all in and take in every detail. I wish I could have bottled it all up to save for a life-time. I guess that's what memories are for. It was an amazing day...something I will never forget.

Intramural Champion

2009-03-13T16:57:00.003-05:00

March Madness is here! This week I played in an intramural basketball championship game. Our team is pretty good. It's a bunch of graduate students - thus, our name: The Graduates. Throughout the intramural season we beat the other teams by the mercy rule - at least 30 points at the 5 min mark. But we knew going into the championship game that it would be a competitive fight. Both teams had former collegiate athletes. I was looking forward to guarding a girl from the other team, who played at Western Illinois (but quit last year). The game went down to the wire. With 30 seconds left we were down by one point with the ball. A guy got fouled in the act of shooting and made both shots. We were up by one at that point. The other team had 9 seconds to get a shot off and they missed it! So we ended up winning by one point - 62-61. It was a great game. Fun to play in and compete hard. I was sore the next day...I am getting old, after all.

Dwayne Wade's Love Letter to Basketball

2009-03-11T14:05:00.001-05:00

Lamoine River Flooding

2009-03-10T09:51:00.003-05:00

Take a look at this video of the flooding near my apartment complex!

Real Man Rules Addendum

2009-03-06T10:33:00.000-06:00

Hello All!

Apparently my recent Real Man Rules email has been interpreted in different ways. I just wanted to make it clear that I am not a "man-hater," nor do I think there are no good men on earth! I merely wanted to express an opinion and I meant it in a good-natured way (not in a I'm-angry-and-need-to-get-revenge type of way). If there are any who are offended, I sincerely apologize. Perhaps some things are "better kept close to the chest."

Real Man Rules

2009-03-05T21:43:00.002-06:00

Recently, I received an email that was being passed around titled, “The Man Rules.” You can imagine my cynicism when I read the title, but a friend (a guy) told me it was funny so I reluctantly dove into the machismo world and indulged the sometimes sexist male perspective. I found that I was becoming more and more bothered by the contents of the email the more I read. It wasn’t the chauvinistic attitude that got under my skin; rather, it was the stereotype of females that the whole set of “rules” was dependent upon that I found disturbing.

Most of you know that I don’t fit the stereotypical female image; nor am I married. So what follows is incredibly biased, but I consider myself fairly grounded. I’ve created a list of qualities I find attractive in a man titled, “Real Man Rules.” This is personalized for me, and is not meant to be a blanket statement for what all women think or want. Some of it is based on the previously mentioned “Man Rules” so I’ll include those at the end as footnotes. I’ve started out with the number one, but contrary to the assumption of the “Man Rules” it doesn’t mean “most important.”*1 Some of them are fun (as I realize some of the “Man Rules” were meant to be), and some of them actually get more important as they go on. But, overall, they are in no particular order.

Real Man Rules

1. A real man is not a mind reader*2, but has developed the consideration necessary to look for the needs of his wife before his own.

2. A real man understands that the toilet seat*3 is just what it purports to be – a seat. If you should use it in another manner, it is polite to replace it.

3. A real man will answer honestly when asked, “What are you thinking about?”*4 If the answer is sports, so be it. Hopefully, he will engage me in a discussion about the latest ESPN top ten plays or the most recent upset in a rivalry basketball game.

4. A real man is not a hypocrite and will hold himself to the same expectations he has of his wife. If it’s okay for him to be in a round shape, it should be okay for her as well.*5

5. A real man will ask for directions. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions *6, but let it be known that when he thought he was headed for Japan and China he ended up landing on the American continent.

6. A real man admits when he is wrong*7. If something he says upsets someone else– anyone else- he is quick to acknowledge that he made a mistake. Trying to make someone believe that you meant something in another way, is a sign of immaturity and arrogance- both of which I try to avoid.

7. A real man understands that crying is simply an expression of emotion*8, and when a man cries it is a statement of his strength and confidence in his own manhood.

8. A real man respects womanhood, and assumes a role of protector for his wife. I’m not speaking solely about physical protection. A real man assures that any environment he takes his wife into won’t soil her spirituality, won’t leave emotional scares, and won’t offend her spirit.

9. A real man doesn’t try to fix every problem his wife tells him about*9. We don’t always want solutions, just support (which is different from sympathy). In fact, a real man knows that significant problems can only be solved by a loving God, and so knows that sometimes it is okay to simply offer support. (See D&C 123:17)

10. A real man is accountable for his actions and thoughts, and accepts the responsibility to control them. This week on a TV program I heard a man say, “I can’t control my thoughts or how I feel” (as a way to excuse his actions). I disagree. There has to be some sort of accountability in life. Part of the test of mortality is to do just that- to learn to control our thoughts, which lead to our actions and feelings.

11. A real man has a strong faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I would even go so far as to say that a real man loves God first and foremost. That statement would seem to suggest that wife and family come after that…I’m okay with that.

12. A real man is not perfect. He understands the need for the Atonement and actively seeks the guidance of the Holy Spirit to learn ways in which he can improve.

13. A real man isn’t afraid to love. He offers his heart in a relationship, and as the relationship grows he isn’t afraid of a challenge. He recognizes that a relationship is a work in progress. A real man understands that a real marriage is not for time only; nor is it only until “death do [they] part.” It is for eternity.

Disclaimer: I realize that all I have written may seem idealistic and I am opening myself to various criticisms. That’s okay. I’m aware that finding a real man as described above may not be possible. We are all works in progress. Really all I need is someone who has a pure heart…and a little bit of chemistry!

Footnotes: This the the entire email I received. I added an * with a number to indicate where it was referred to.

THE MAN RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY , THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY.
( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR "THE RULES"
FROM THE FEMALE SIDE….
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1 "
ON PURPOSE! *1
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. *2
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. *3
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS, IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL. *8

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR. *9

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE *7

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT , JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE. *6

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE...

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE... REALLY .

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR HOCKEY. *4

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE! *5

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS..
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN -
TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN -
TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH.

I want to give you a gift!

2009-03-01T15:45:00.003-06:00

The first five people to respond to this post will receive something made by me to you. My choice. Made especially for you. Of course there are some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees you will like what I make.
2.What I create will be just for you.
3. It will be done sometime this year.
4. You have no clue what it will be. I promise it will be made with love!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
The catch is you must post this on your blog and offer the same to the first five people who post it on their blog. The first five people to do so and leave a comment letting me know they did will receive a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift from me!! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win.

(P.S. This could be scary considering I'm the gif maker. I don't have nearly the domestic skills as my sister, Amber, whom I copied this from. To you who reply, I say good luck!)

The Power of Love

2009-02-28T21:01:00.004-06:00

There are three types of love. The first is eros: It is usually based on an attraction to another person. The second type is philos- usually based on friendship between two people. Then there is a third kind of love that is above eros and philos. It is called agape, or unconditional love. It is based on selflessness. It consists in wanting the best for another person even if you get nothing in return.

Last night I watched the 2004 version of "The Phantom of the Opera." I am always very moved by the last scene of the movie where the Phantom gives Christine an ultimatum to choose between living with the Phantom (and subsequently freeing Raoul) or buying her own freedom (which would require the death of Raoul). On the surface it seems like the same old love story, I suppose. I can't put my finger on what it is exactly that impresses me so much about this scene. I'm not even going to try to explain it. It's just so powerful to me. There are so many layers in this movie. I love it. The first five minutes will be enough to get the full effect but the actual clip is about 10 minutes. If you have five minutes to watch the clip, take some time to remember how powerful love can be in our lives...not just romantic love, but unconditional love.

Annual Midwest Sport and Exercise Psychology Conference

2009-02-22T17:14:00.005-06:00

I just returned late last night from the annual Midwest Sport and Exercise Psychology Conference. This year it was held in Bowling Green, Ohio at Bowling Green State University, about 8 hours from Macomb. What a drive! But it was worth it. I enjoyed it. I gave a presentation- it was a watered down version of my thesis proposal because they only give you 12 minutes to present. I was super nervous because usually in the audience are many of the sport psychology gurus- people who have created theories and written great articles. Things went well. I think I did alright.

On the way there we were driving past South Bend, Indiana, which some of you may recognize as the home of Notre Dame University (and, I might add, the site of the story of Rudy). Our professor, Dr. Finch, asked if we'd like to stop and drive around. We didn't have much time, but it was awesome! I took some pictures of the campus and the football stadium.

This is the golden dome on the top of the administration building on campus in the background.

Below are Dr. Finch and Risa Kobayashi.

This is the library at Notre Dame with the mural of "Touchdown Jesus." It overlooks the football stadium (behind where I am standing to take the picture).

Here's a picture from the internet of what it looks like from inside the football stadium during a game.

Here is the south end of the stadium. How exciting to be here!

It was great trip and fun to see a "famous" place. I'm getting all sorts of educational experiences out here!

Babysitting Lincoln in January

2009-02-22T13:36:00.003-06:00

I was looking on my camera last night and realized that I forgot I took a video of Lincoln, my nephew, when I was babysitting him one night in January. Amy, Steve, and my parents when to the Jazz game and I got to hang out with Lincoln. We had a good time. See for yourself...

Gender and Sports

2009-01-23T16:51:00.004-06:00

I'm taking a class this semester called "Gender and Sports"- ok, actually I'm auditing it because Dr. Finch, my advisor, is teaching it and, plus, it will be a good thing to show up on my transcripts. Part of the class is that we have been assigned to just pay attention to the world around us a little bit more and see what interesting "tidbits" we can find that deal with gender and sports. I've never really been an advocate of having cheerleading as a sport, although I do recognize that cheerleaders are athletes. Below is a commercial I saw on tv the other day. Take a look.

I love it because of how much it means to the little girl that her dad would help her practice her cheerleading. I love it because it defies so many "macho man" attitudes that prevail in today's world. I love it because it shows the tender spot this man must have for his daughter. And I love it because it reminds me of my dad in some ways, with so many daughters, going to ballet recitals, the Nutcracker ballet performance, playing sports with me, and just supporting each of his children no matter what we choose to do. Thank goodness for the tender hearts of fathers all over the world.

2009-01-21T21:19:00.004-06:00

Have you all seen the movie Toy Story? There's a point in the movie where Buzz finally realizes that he is a toy and can't fly. He has a breakdown and when Sid's younger sister decides to play with him, he becomes Mrs. Nesbit. He wears a little hat and an apron. When Woody comes in to rescue him, he says, "Don't you get it?!?! I am Mrs. Nesbit!"

When Amber and her son, Corbin, came down to visit last week it was so fun to spend time with them. As those of you who read my blog have seen, I love to play with Corbin. He talks and talks and it so fun. One day we were playing in the loft where all the random toys from Newland past have been stored. Corbin found two pink unmatching high heeled shoes and put them on. Then he put on a little black hat. I couldn't help but educate him about Mrs. Nesbit.

He's just so innocent and trusting in this video. I probably shouldn't have taught him the concept of Mrs. Nesbit because who knows when it might come out...at nursery, in church...guaranteed it will be at the most inoportune time. Or worse yet, in front of his dad! Shhh, don't tell Matt!

I love my nephews!

The Perks of Living Near the Mountains

2009-01-03T21:32:00.012-06:00

I hope everyone has had a fabulous holiday season and a great beginning to 2009. I haven't written for a while. I'm in Farmington for the holiday staying with my family. I always say that one thing I miss about not being in Utah all the time is the mountains. So, I finally went out and did some outdoor hiking in the winter. Also known as snowshoeing. Here are some pictures and a quick video.

Another one of the perks of living near the mountains is being able to go snowboarding. I started snowboarding when I was in high school, I think. (That's so bad that I can't even remember. I must be getting old!) I don't go often enough to be a spectacular stuntwoman, but I like to carve down the mountain. It's like skating on clouds...except when you fall. Then it's like face planting on icy gravel. Fun, fun. I try not to have frequent appointments with the gravel. Anyway, I was able to go with my sisters Angie and Alyssa a few days ago. Here are some more pics.

All in all it was an injury-free experience and fun to be outdoors! Here's to living near the mountains!

What I did over the break...

2008-12-03T19:24:00.021-06:00

This is a quick summary of what I did over the Thanksgiving break (You'll need sound to fully enjoy this one):

1. I learned what a Jack-in-the-Box might feel like.

2. I examined the microwave.

3. I held my new nephew, Lincoln!

4. I enjoyed being with my family.

5. I counted airplanes - loud airplanes.

6. I sat in the hot tub on Thanksgiving Day!

6. I did homework...lots of homework.

Now it's back to work for the next three weeks to finish up the semester!

Time for a Break

2008-11-16T22:47:00.004-06:00

About this time in the semester I can tell that it's time for a break. I am flying home for a short trip for Thanksgiving at the end of this week! I have a new nephew to hold for the first time and another nephew on his way to two years old that is talking up a storm. It's about time I got home! I'm really looking forward to my time with my family and friends. I just love coming home. So, in honor of traveling home to Utah, I thought I'd post this video. You need sound to get the full effect. Utah, here I come!

Ode to Halloween Costumes

2008-11-01T19:22:00.024-05:00

Halloween, for me, is no longer the spectacular holiday that it used to be when I was a little kid. I used to love getting all dressed up and going from house to house collecting my candy. I remember being a skeleton, the grim reaper, and, my personal favorite, a "beat up" soccer player. Two years ago as a teacher at Indian Hills Middle School, I dressed up again. I was an insane woman (which wasn't a super stretch from reality). I wore a large night gown and allowed my hair its freedom (for those of you who have not experienced that, count your blessings!). I carried around a little cooler and mumbled random things.

This Halloween a friend of mine from church decided to have a costume party last night. I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a costume and I didn't have a lot of time to put something together. I was somewhat of a "Halloween Humbug." However, once I started putting my costume together the magic of Halloween as a child returned to me. I was excited!

Here are some of the pictures I took last night.

This is Megan, the hostess of the party.

This is Scott, Megan's boyfriend. He's not a member, but calls himself a "Mormon-in-training."

This is Brandon, from Malad, ID, dressed as Deron Williams. I told him his skin needed a little darkening.

Marlainna (above), a non-member, dressed as Sarah Palin.
John, (left) from Macomb. What is he? Good question.

This is Amanda (left), from Quad Cities area in IL.

To the right is Elizabeth, a non-member friend of ours.

This is Matt and Ruby Findley, from Utah. They are a couple from the ward here who are great fun!

So, you ask, what did you dress up as, Aubrey?

You can call me, Cling...Static Cling.

Passing on the Dudo Tradition

2008-10-25T22:05:00.004-05:00

Dudo in Spanish means "I doubt."

Dudo is also a game I learned a couple summers back at a family reunion. We were in Seaside, Oregon staying in condos on the beach for that reunion, and my cousins taught me how to play.

Last night I passed on the Dudo tradition and taught the game to my YSA group here in Illinois. They really seemed to enjoy it. There are a couple of math lovers in the group (one currently in graduate school for math education and the other finished with a math degree) so they were playing the probabilities, I think. I'm not sure if it worked out as well as they had hoped. You never know what is going to happen with a roll of the dice. I wanted to show everyone (especially Liz and Sarah) that I had played and so I got some video. These videos are mostly for the enjoyment of my Packer cousins who taught me how to play Dudo. :) Dedicated to you, ladies!

The Power of the Prayers of Parents

2008-10-12T20:50:00.008-05:00

I remember meeting with the Bishop of my home ward just before I left on my mission. Bishop Harbertson was an amazing Bishop and my dad was in the bishopric with him. As we finished our discussion, he said very sincerely, "You have some amazing parents." I thought I knew exactly what he meant. After all, I had spent some 21 odd years with them (really- they were odd...) But each year as I get older I feel that my eyes are opened a little bit more in understanding exactly how amazing they are.

I'm not going to even attempt to persuade you that they are amazing by listing their accomplishments or their contributions because if you know them, you know what I mean. I have been extremely blessed to be raised by them. They have been supportive of everything I've done- from sports, to school, to work, to crazy ideas. Although I'm sure they have been praying for me my entire life, it wasn't until my mission that it really sunk in that my parents prayed for me. I was thinking today about the prayers they have probably said for me and for all of my siblings as I listened to the talk of the Illinois Peoria Mission President in our Stake Conference today.

President Erickson began by explaining that his father died when he was 13 and that he grew up under the watchful eye of a fabulously strong mother. His mother always prayed for him and told him that he would serve a mission. Young Lynn (President Erickson) fell away from the church during his teenage years and went to college to play basketball. His mother reminded him occasionally that "when he served a mission..." but he obviously knew that he would not serve a mission because he knew himself. Although he remained inactive, he prayed on his own. One time while at home from school he prayed and received a strong impression that he needed to serve a mission. In his mind he fought it, but decided to counsel with the Bishop. Over time he prepared himself for a mission without his mother's knowledge.

Then one day the Bishop called his mom to his office(this was all carefully scripted by he and the Bishop) and having been the Relief Society President for eight years she knew she was going to be released. Conveniently, Lynn was playing basketball with some young men in the church that afternoon and when his mother arrived the Bishop asked her if she would like to invite her son into their meeting. She was confused, but consented. The Bishop began by saying, "Sister Erickson, your son has a desire to serve a mission, and we want to know if you are able to support his decision." The woman fell to her knees there in the Bishop's office, put her hands over her face, and sobbed. The Bishop thought perhaps she would be overwhelmed financially by the prospect of supporting a mission so he said, "The ward is prepared to assist you-" But she interrupted and said, "Don't you dare think I would let you deprive me of the blessings of supporting my son on a mission. I will work five jobs if I have to!"

I sat in that meeting today touched by his message and overwhelmed by the love and prayers of my parents. As I look back on my life I often wonder why I've been so blessed in so many situations and I wonder if it is perhaps the sincere prayers of my dear parents that have sustained me. I am sure that countless petitions have been offered on my behalf, and I am so grateful for their continued faith in prayers. "Don't give up on your children," President Erickson counseled us today. "Continue to pray for them."

It's like my journal, actually...

2008-10-05T21:49:00.009-05:00

At one point in my life I was fairly good at keeping a journal. When I was in Beehives I wrote regularly. In high school I did pretty good. Then I realized that it was ludicrous to think that anyone would want to read what I had written about my day, mostly because when I got into college my writing began to sound something like this:

I haven't written for a while. Well, here's a quick update.

Last weekend (Sept. 24-27) I went to St. Louis, MO for the AASP conference- Association for Applied Sport Psychology. That's the national conference for my future profession. It's a feast of knowledge for someone interested in the field. I love it! Next year it's in Salt Lake so I can't wait.

These are the Western Illinois sport psychology people. On the left is Jessica, who has completed a masters degree in Sport Psychology and is now working on her second master's degree in Psychology (also at Western). On the far right is Risa, from Japan. She is in her second year (like me). Above Risa is Janell. This is her first year in the Sport Psychology graduate program. Dr. Finch is our professor. She is awesome!

On Thursday morning, while I was at the conference, I found out that my sister, Amy, had just given birth to her first little boy, my second nephew, Lincoln. He was about 3 weeks early and weighed only 5 lbs 15 oz. They say he sleeps a lot (sounds like a smart guy to me). Although I haven't met him in person yet, he is adorable. Here's the pics they have sent me.

In the mean time, my oldest nephew, Corbin, is becoming ever more active and adorable. Here's the lastest pic of him.

There's not a whole lot of exciting things going on with me these days. Trying to keep up with school is enough. One of these days I'm going to grace you all (the two people that consistently read my blog) with one of my papers I've written for school.

General Conference this weekend was amazing, as usual. Did everyone catch the great announcement they made on Saturday morning?!?! A temple in Philadelphia!!! I'm so excited about that. I never thought I'd see the day...

So now you know why I have kind of slipped out of the habit of journal writing. I've decided, though, that if I can prey on the lives of my family and friends for exciting information, it just might be worth it to write in a journal again...or I could just blog every once in a while.

Stay tuned for more exciting news...

She Changed Me

2008-09-15T21:30:00.002-05:00

I met Sarah this past weekend at a young single adult conference in Nauvoo. She is from Rock Island, IL which is near the quad cities area. She is in the Davenport Stake. One of the high council men in the stake who was giving some closing thoughts said that he was changed a little because he had met some of us this weekend. I didn't really get to know Sarah that well, but watching her touched me.There was a group of four of us from our ward that showed up to the conference on Friday evening. We walked through the doors of the lodge and went to register.

As I was waiting for the others to complete their registration a young lady walked up to me. She was wearing gym pants and a long t-shirt. She was thin and had short hair. She wore a thick, dark blue headband. She looked at one of the guys in our group who is only 5'3" and said, "Should I tell him a short person joke?" I was a little surprised that someone we didn't know would ask a question like that for a first contact with someone, so I shrugged and said, "I don't know." In mind my I was wondering if she was serious and then thought maybe she was mentally slower and, therefore, didn't know that her joke probably wouldn't go over very well.

Later that evening as the girls all gathered in the sleeping area we were choosing rooms and Sarah chose our room. There were a couple other girls who knew Sarah and were also joining us. Just before bed as we were all settling in, Sarah pulled out her dress and began asking some other girls if it was modest enough to wear to the temple, which we would be attending the next day. She was genuinely concerned, but I balked a little because it was completely modest and fully appropriate. (Her backup dress was a long sleeved mock turtle-neck dress that went down to her ankles. :))

As I was desperately trying to fall asleep later that night Sarah came in a little late and the lights were out. Everyone in our room was already in bed, but she had been socializing with the other girls. I was a little frustrated because she kept walking back and forth by my bed and the floor would creak. It was adding to my sleeping problems. I gave up trying to sleep and opened my eyes. I watched her try for about 5 minutes to put her "backup" dress on a hanger. One of the other girls finally asked if she needed help. (They must have been having problems sleeping too.) I realized after a little while that the problem was not that she had an inability to put clothing on hanger. The real problem was that the lights were out and she wasn't able to see well enough. My heart softened a little as I realized that her concern was probably more for us trying to sleep.

In the morning when I woke up I noticed that Sarah had slept with her tennis shoes on. Instead of thinking how strange that was, I smiled to myself and thought of the night before. Maybe she thought that trying to take off her shoes in the dark would cause more problems too.

Sarah got up to the pulpit nervously on the last day to bear her testimony. I watched curiously as she told her story. She told us that she had been baptized last May and that this was her first opportunity to attend the temple to do baptisms for the dead. I smiled as she expressed how “cool” it was to be in the temple to perform important work for those who had passed on. She quoted from memory this line from the hymn “The Day Dawn is Breaking”:

In many a temple the saints will assemble
And labor as saviors for dear ones away.

She told us of the regret she felt for being “lazy” and not getting her own family names prepared to take through the temple (and here I am a lifetime member of the church who has not investigated my own ancestry enough). Her desire to progress through the essential ordinances of the temple was real. She concluded with a heartfelt testimony of the prophet today and sat down.

As I sat in that meeting a thought came to me that I had had earlier in my life. People who are living this mortal life with disabilities or disorders of whatever shape and size, through no fault of their own, often test all of us around them. Like I said before, I didn’t get to know Sarah very well this past weekend. But I watched those who obviously did. They were far better educated in the school of life than I was. Perhaps they had been changed by Sarah like she had changed me.

There's Always Room For S'mores!

2008-09-10T21:04:00.009-05:00

Previously on my blog I attempted to portray the size of my apartment. It's not the biggest place, but I make do. Honestly, it's fine for me. (Less surface area for cleaning.) When I was at BYU we made s'mores over the stove. I love being around a campfire and roasting marshmallows. But when you can't find an a good fire, then heat from the stove works just as well. For those of you who may be curious about how this works, I'll walk you through the steps.

Step 1. Prepare graham cracker and chocolate. Put a marshmallow on the end of a long knife. Heat up the stove.

Step 2. Hold marshmallow over the coils of the stove until appropriately roasted and browned to taste. (Be careful not to touch the marshmallow to the coils- it gets messy.)

Step 3. Place marshmallow on top of chocolate and place opposite cracker on top to make a sandwich-like item.

Step 4. Open mouth wide and bite into delicious, chewy, crunchy S'MORE!!!
So, now you know! Tonight I enjoyed s'mores without a fire, but with all the flavor. I don't have a large apartment, but there's always room for s'mores!

There's No Place Like Home

2008-09-08T19:04:00.008-05:00

Have you ever seen to a field full of hot air balloons waiting to take off? It looks something like this.

Last Friday in Macomb was a hot air balloon festival. The young single adults decided we wanted to get a good look at it. It was the most awesome display of color and hot air mixed! Here are a few pictures and a movie.

I loved watching this little boy who was completely fascinated with the whole process. If there would have been a camera on me, I probably would have looked similar.

I thought of the movie The Wizard of Oz and how Dorothy ends up finding the solution to her problems all along was in the clicking of her heels and saying, "There's no place like home." Just prior to that she has this great plan to fly away in a hot air balloon from the Emerald City to Kansas.

We watched the balloons carry off their owners in their baskets. Being so far away from home I almost heard myself whisper, There's no place like home, there's no place like home."

Right: Macomb YSA's- Brandon, John, Suzanne Kelly, Mark Kelly, Megan, Scott (Megan's boyfriend), Me

Below: ME in the midst of Emerald City!!!

Things I Miss About Corbin

2008-08-31T18:35:00.008-05:00

One horrible thing about being in school 1300 miles away from my family is that I don't get to see my nephew, Corbin, as much as I'd like to. Here are some things I miss about Corbin:

1. The way he says "DVD." It sounds more like "GGB" when he says it. Here's a quick clip of him saying it.

2. Corbin loves watermelon and will eat nothing but watermelon if that is one of the things on the menu. He sat at my parents home once and ate watermelon until there was a dripping pool of watermelon juice on the counter beneath his chin. And I love the way he says "water-melon" in two separate breaths!

3. One afternoon while Amber and Corbin were in town visiting my parents this summer we stopped at Quiznos to visit Amy while she was working there. Corbin discovered the cooler where the bottled drinks are kept and decided to unload them one at a time. As I watched him unload I thought to myself, "We should make this knowledge of his useful to us." So I took him in the back where the drinks are kept and showed him how to bring them from the back and place them in the cooler. He loved it! He kept making trips back and forth filling the cooler with drinks that we didn't even have room for. Then as he was walking in the back he noticed Amy's purse sitting on a shelf and was instantly rustling through her things. He grabbed her wallet and looked at me and said, "Debit card." We took the wallet out to Amy and he continued to say, "debit card" over and over until she handed him a card. I miss Corbin saying big words (that's he's not supposed to know at the age of 17 months!)

4. When Corbin was a little bit younger he didn't know how to express the word, "phone" but would love to play with cell phones and regular telephones around the house. Now he's a little more proficient at saying phone and will request- or demand- the use of any cell phone in sight. In fact, driving home from a cousin's wedding dinner this summer he saw my cell phone and my sister, Angie's cell phone (which are the exact same model) and wanted both of them. He was using them both- one on each ear. Here's a picture of him talking on the phone.

5. I miss seeing how my parents turn into "grandparents" when Corbin is around. They adore him! (Rightly so!) It's so fun to be a part of a growing extended family. Nephew number 2 is right around the corner (Amy is due in October!) Yeah for round 2 of nephew fun!

Tour of My Apartment

2008-08-28T20:35:00.006-05:00

I'm all moved in to my apartment and somewhat organized so I decided to take some pictures. I feel like I live in a different world out here. Only my parents have seen where I live and what the town is like because they drove me out to Macomb last summer. But I feel like the rest of you will never see my world, my life at WIU. Maybe these pictures will help you get a glimpse of my living environment...or maybe it will just make you claustrophic! :)

It's a small apartment. I have a living room and a hallway/kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom. It's perfect for one person.

Earlier this week one of my professors was getting rid of all his old furniture because they were getting new stuff. He offered me one of his couches. I quickly accepted because the only couch I have is a University furnished wooden framed loveseat with two cushions. My new couch is so comfortable! I'm really excited to have it. Now if anyone wants to come visit me in Illinois I can offer them my bed and I can sleep on this comfortable couch!

In the past several years I have started collecting chess sets. For my birthday this past summer, one of my good friends bought me a chess set while she was in Ecuador this summer. I love it! Someday I'm going to have a room full of chess sets and books lining the walls.

Chaos Productions Website

2008-08-25T15:17:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone! I just wanted to make you aware that I've launched a website for my DVD making business. Some of you already know that I've been putting together highlight videos for athletic teams I've coached. I've also put together wedding DVDs to play at wedding receptions. In recent months I've started putting together DVDs of vacation photos and video. I've even done birthday gifts celebrating people's lives.

Here's the website: http://chaospro.webs.com/

I'm going to add a link here on my blog as well.

Adventures Awaiting Me in Macomb

2008-08-24T14:38:00.008-05:00

I'm back in Illinois. Can you believe it ?!?!? I barely can. It's a strange feeling...like I never left, but yet so different with a summer full of memories under my belt.

Before leaving for Macomb (IL), I had to hike in the mountains one last time. My friend, John, from Macomb flew out to Utah on Tuesday (the 19th) and we hiked Alexander Basin up Millcreek Canyon. Here are some pictures from the hike.

Later that night some friends came over and we jammed to Guitar Hero. Some did more "jamming" than others. My friends Charlotte and Danielle are shown here playing a song on expert level. They were amazing!!

Now I'm back in Macomb...

It was kind of nice because I'm moving back into the same apartment as I had last year. The pencil markings on the wall where I hung pictures are still there. All of my same University supplied furniture is here. Good news, though! I am adding a comfy couch to my collection. One of my professors was trying to get rid of some old couches and I offered to take one off his hands. It won't be in my apartment until Tuesday night, though... I think I can wait.

School starts tomorrow. I'm teaching three sections of Stress Management and Relaxation, one section of Basketball, and one section of Badminton. I'm excited to meet the new students I will interact with this semester. I try to implement new ideas and experiment a little with my classes, so it's always a new adventure.

I'm taking three classes this semester: Group Dynamics, Physiology of Exercise, and Social and Ethical Issues in Sport. I'm super excited about the Group Dynamics class. It's a out-of-department elective and I don't know quite what to expect but the professor sent out the syllabus. It looks like it will be really focused on small groups and working on projects throughout the semester.

In addition to all this I'll be working on my thesis. What's my thesis topic, you may ask? I know it will deal with Mental Toughness, but I'm not exactly sure yet. I'm counting on my professors to give me deadlines because I'm super good at procrastinating if I have no timeline. The big deadline is next May so I can graduate. I'll be done by then for sure.

I look forward to this new year ahead of me. The great thing about life is that you never know what adventures lie ahead... and there surely are many adventures awaiting me here.

Touching All the Bases

2008-08-19T10:42:00.003-05:00

Earlier this summer there was a story that ran on ESPN about a softball game. It was not a high profile game. What occurred was not an amazing play that would make sportscenter's top ten plays. It wasn't anything that had to do with athletic skill at all. Instead it focused on a simple act of sportsmanship that will touch your heart. Watch this video.

Last Lecture: A Celebration of Life

2008-08-18T11:36:00.003-05:00

On July 29, 2008 I watched a Primetime ABC special called, "The Last Lecture: A Celebration of Life." Many of you have probably heard of the book that has recently gained popularity. It's about a professor from Carnegie Mellon University named Randy Pausch who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was given 6 months to live at the age of 47 (that age may be off by a few years). Anyway, he gave a final lecture before retiring from the University named "The Last Lecture" which has an ironic ring to it. You can watch the whole lecture on iTunes U by clicking on the link to your right called, "Really Acheiving Your Childhood Dreams."

Anyway, I'm sitting here at my home in Farmington waiting for my laundry to finish up so I can complete my packing. I'm heading back to Illinois for another year of grad school...my final year. Every year as the summer ends and the new school year begins "it always seems so strange when the leaves begin to change" (to borrow a line from Kid Rock's latest song "All Summer Long"). I have mixed emotions. It's nice to be at home for the summer and be surrounded by family, to be minutes away from any awesome hike I want to do, to really be home. But on the flip side I really look forward to getting back to school. I love what I'm studying. Sport Psychology is perfect for me. I like the challenge and the opportunity to grow. But it's always hard to leave home.

I remember when I graduated from high school and was preparing to leave for Ricks. It was only four hours away, but for me as a 18 year old it seemed like I was preparing to live on a whole new planet. I wrote a letter to a few friends and talked about what I would say if I were giving a last lecture. (This "last lecture idea I had read in a different book.) My ideas were supposed to convey heart felt emotions about how much my high school experience had meant to me. I thought at the time it was exactly what I wanted to say. However, if I were giving a "last lecture" today it would be quite different. I guess that speaks to the growth and change that takes place with time. So, if I were to outline my last lecture today it would hit these major points:

1. Never stop learning. (I think this is foremost in my mind because I've recently spent about a million dollars on car repairs and I've vowed to learn the ins and outs of automotive somehow so I can repair my own car- or at least know if the auto shop guys are ripping me off. )

2. Be in the present moment. (I always find myself thinking that when such and such happens I will be happy, or will have something to look forward to, but what about all those little moments that we can glean happiness from?)

3. Be aware of your emotions. They are a great tool for learning about why you think and act the way you do. That doesn't mean you should act on every emotion...just listen and question "why?"

4. Do something that you love to do...often.

5. Center your life around Jesus Christ and everything else will fall into place.

I'm sure I could come up with more to stretch out the boredom, but for now, these things are some important things I've learned and am still learning. I'm not perfect at any of these things, but I feel like I'm on the right track when I keep these in mind.

We All Have An Alias or Two

2008-08-10T23:08:00.010-05:00

"Hi. My name is Aubrey and I'm an addict..." Last summer I became an Alias addict. I watched all five seasons of the television series, Alias, starring Jennifer Garner in less than three months! Now I'm watching them through for the third time with my parents. Jennifer Garner plays a woman who was recruited into a black operations division of the CIA. Her name is Sydney Bristow. However, she discovers that this black ops unit is not really CIA at all. It's actually the people who she has been fighting against. So, she becomes a double agent- loyal to the CIA, but remaining an agent for the people she originally began working for and passing on intelligence to the CIA. In the process of all her adventures she takes on a number of different aliases.

She becomes whoever she needs to be in the situation. However, Sydney has to lie to the people she loves; deception is a way of life. The life she lives is one where she must selectively trust others and a life in which she experiences many betrayls.

At the risk of trying to read too deeply into something, I'm going to share some thoughts I've had lately about this show. I was watching an episode earlier this week and there was a drama going on where Sydney was helping her boyfriend, Vaughn. In the process she had to hide some things from her father, Jack. I still remember a thought that popped into my head as I watched Sydney give her father a hug and lie to him. Wow, I thought, you never know who to trust. The truth is, though, people are not perfect and, if you trust everyone all the time you will find that trust has betrayed you in some way or another.

Sometimes trust is a funny thing. If you trust too much, you risk being hurt. If you don't trust enough, you risk being left alone. It's hard for me to find that line. In many respects I think we all have an alias or two. We trust and distrust. We laugh when we don't understand jokes. (Come on- don't pretend you haven't done it!) We put on a happy face when we are sad. We say we're okay when really we need a hand. How much easier life would be if we all walked around without any aliases; walking with total trust in others' ability to love us for who we are- with enough trust in the human race to deepen our relationships, and allow us to learn and grow.

Well, time for another episode of Alias...

Summer Starvation

2008-08-10T21:27:00.010-05:00

My family loves to be out on the lake. We went to Starvation Reservoir in Duchesne, UT this past weekend to spend some time with my Grandpa for his 80th birthday. This is my brother, Robbie, and in the background, his girlfriend, Kirsten.

If any of you have NOT had the chance to watch Robbie on the wakeboard, it's something you should put on your list. It's been fun to watch his talents grow. He gets so high up in the air and for someone of his height to roll around in the air is pretty amazing. I'll post some videos of Robbie, but really the videos won't take your breath away like real life.

In some of these videos Robbie crashes, but on a good day he can go for a long time doing several tricks without a blip. This last video he crashes HARD! After the headache arrives, that's when it's time to take a break. :) He's also coming from his front side, which is more difficult. Amazing!

Here's some photos from the lake too!

Corbin's Laugh

2008-08-03T19:45:00.004-05:00

My nephew, Corbin, woke up last night in the middle of the night and was kind of whining so my sister, Amber, (his mom) picked him up out of his bed and let him sleep with her the rest of the night. In the morning, Amber told my mom about it and my mom was asking Corbin if he slept in his mama's bed. My mom said something like, "Oops!" while she was telling him and he thought it was hilarious! Here's a video of him laughing about it later in the day.

Aaron Ostler's Birthday

2008-08-03T18:58:00.004-05:00

Today, August 3rd, is Aaron Ostler's birthday. It was also fast and testimony meeting at church. His family has been in my home ward in Farmington for as long as we've lived there. Aaron was a 17 year old boy who died unexpectedly from an unknown heart condition about five months ago. http://http//www.legacy.com/DeseretNews/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=103960453

His father stood at the pulpit this morning in fast and testimony meeting and testified of the power of the gospel to create and seal eternal families. He told of how recently felt that Aaron was near and said, "Dad, I need the priesthood." His parents went to the temple yesterday to perform the necessary priesthood ordinances for him that were available.

The Ostler's have always been the most faithful people. They continue to insist that Heavenly Father is with them and has upheld them through all of this. I can't imagine the heartache of losing a child! I am so impressed by their steadfastness in the gospel despite their trials. Their hardship is not an isolated event, I know. I know that there are many, MANY, faithful people who have born burdens beyond my comprehension. So, today I want to pay tribute to all the people who remain faithful and strong and have an unfailing string of faith connecting them to Heavenly Father and our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, who makes eternal life and eternal families possible.

Today, his dad said, they will have a birthday celebration with all the family in honor of Aaron.

Summer Days

2008-08-02T18:43:00.001-05:00

I haven't been writing very consistently, but my cousins Liz, Becky, and Sarah inspired me to get on it! (Actually, it's probably more of that competitive blood in me. I just feel like it was a challenge, girls. So, here goes!) I think one of my thoughts was, "Who is going to read a blog about me?" But maybe my three fabulous cousins will read it once in a while! ;) I guess I'll give it a shot and see what happens. Maybe I'll even post some of my long papers I have to write for classes! Wouldn't that be a treat!?!?!

My summer has been pretty laid back. I've been working at Quiznos here and there. I've been backpacking once with my best friend, Erin. We went to White Pine Lake Trail up Little Cottonwood Canyon. It was just an overnighter, but super fun! There was still snow on the ground as we got up high, but the weather was nice.

Here's me along the trail. I've been slowly building up my supply of backpacking equipment. I have a little stove, a new tent, a new backpack, and a water filter. Now I just need some people to go with me. :o

Here's Erin and I near our campsite where there was a sweet rock that was a perfect chair to sit in. It was a perfect picture spot.

I've been waiting around a lot to find people to hike/camp with me. It's tough to try to work around work schedules, family vacations, and other miscellaneous activities. So I finally decided I was just to to take advantage of the time I have so close to the mountains in Utah. Carpe Diem! (Seize the day!) There's a trail close by in Fruit Heights called Baer Canyon that a guy told me about. It sounded neat. I went up there a couple weeks ago. It was kind of strenuous, but I was really keeping up a good pace. It was also my workout for the day. :) I took a book I was reading at the time (Eragon) and some snacks and my hydration pack and set off. It was beautiful! Take a look at these pictures!

I also had the chance to hike Waterfall Canyon in Ogden with my aunt Maureen about a month ago in July. Waterfall Canyon is about a 3 hour round trip hike, depending on how long you sit at the top and admire the 200 ft waterfall. It's also one that will get your blood pumping. I really enjoyed the opportunity to hike, but it was even more special because I got to spend some one-on-one time with Maureen. It had been too long!! I set up my timer and we got a few pictures. Here's a couple to whet your appetite for hiking.

Hopefully I'll get some more hiking and backpacking in here before I head back to school. I'm really enjoying being at home. It's so nice to be with my family and to spend time with them. This post would not be complete without mentioning how fun it is to be around my nephew, Corbin. Here's a video of him in the bathtub. Warning: This video contains come nudity, which may not be appropriate for all ages. :)

Until the next time...

Brief Reflections on the WIU '07-'08 Year

2008-05-25T22:18:00.001-05:00

It's almost summer time for me. . . I've been taking a three week 3-credit course and we have 3 days left. I'm ready for a break. My apartment is becoming more and more empty as I make trips to my storage unit hauling all my things a little at a time to their home for the next two and a half months. Macomb has been a good place for me these last ten months. I've made some good friends and I've learned a lot.

This is a picture of the Young Single Adult group here. We had a bonfire in someone's backyard and roasted marshmellows.

This year has been a great growth experience for me as a graduate student as well. I've been privileged to work with an amazing professor, Dr. Laura Finch, in my Sport Psychology program. I really hit the jackpot with her as a mentor/advisor. One of the highlights of this past academic year was attending the AASP Conference (Association for Applied Sport Psychology) in Louisville, KY in October. I'm looking forward to another conference in October 2008 in St. Louis!

Having said that, I am, nonetheless, really looking forward to a break! Bring on the summer!