Real Man Rules

Recently, I received an email that was being passed around titled, “The Man Rules.” You can imagine my cynicism when I read the title, but a friend (a guy) told me it was funny so I reluctantly dove into the machismo world and indulged the sometimes sexist male perspective. I found that I was becoming more and more bothered by the contents of the email the more I read. It wasn’t the chauvinistic attitude that got under my skin; rather, it was the stereotype of females that the whole set of “rules” was dependent upon that I found disturbing.

Most of you know that I don’t fit the stereotypical female image; nor am I married. So what follows is incredibly biased, but I consider myself fairly grounded. I’ve created a list of qualities I find attractive in a man titled, “Real Man Rules.” This is personalized for me, and is not meant to be a blanket statement for what all women think or want. Some of it is based on the previously mentioned “Man Rules” so I’ll include those at the end as footnotes. I’ve started out with the number one, but contrary to the assumption of the “Man Rules” it doesn’t mean “most important.”*1 Some of them are fun (as I realize some of the “Man Rules” were meant to be), and some of them actually get more important as they go on. But, overall, they are in no particular order.

Real Man Rules

1. A real man is not a mind reader*2, but has developed the consideration necessary to look for the needs of his wife before his own.

2. A real man understands that the toilet seat*3 is just what it purports to be – a seat. If you should use it in another manner, it is polite to replace it.

3. A real man will answer honestly when asked, “What are you thinking about?”*4 If the answer is sports, so be it. Hopefully, he will engage me in a discussion about the latest ESPN top ten plays or the most recent upset in a rivalry basketball game.

4. A real man is not a hypocrite and will hold himself to the same expectations he has of his wife. If it’s okay for him to be in a round shape, it should be okay for her as well.*5

5. A real man will ask for directions. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions *6, but let it be known that when he thought he was headed for Japan and China he ended up landing on the American continent.

6. A real man admits when he is wrong*7. If something he says upsets someone else– anyone else- he is quick to acknowledge that he made a mistake. Trying to make someone believe that you meant something in another way, is a sign of immaturity and arrogance- both of which I try to avoid.

7. A real man understands that crying is simply an expression of emotion*8, and when a man cries it is a statement of his strength and confidence in his own manhood.

8. A real man respects womanhood, and assumes a role of protector for his wife. I’m not speaking solely about physical protection. A real man assures that any environment he takes his wife into won’t soil her spirituality, won’t leave emotional scares, and won’t offend her spirit.

9. A real man doesn’t try to fix every problem his wife tells him about*9. We don’t always want solutions, just support (which is different from sympathy). In fact, a real man knows that significant problems can only be solved by a loving God, and so knows that sometimes it is okay to simply offer support. (See D&C 123:17)

10. A real man is accountable for his actions and thoughts, and accepts the responsibility to control them. This week on a TV program I heard a man say, “I can’t control my thoughts or how I feel” (as a way to excuse his actions). I disagree. There has to be some sort of accountability in life. Part of the test of mortality is to do just that- to learn to control our thoughts, which lead to our actions and feelings.

11. A real man has a strong faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I would even go so far as to say that a real man loves God first and foremost. That statement would seem to suggest that wife and family come after that…I’m okay with that.

12. A real man is not perfect. He understands the need for the Atonement and actively seeks the guidance of the Holy Spirit to learn ways in which he can improve.

13. A real man isn’t afraid to love. He offers his heart in a relationship, and as the relationship grows he isn’t afraid of a challenge. He recognizes that a relationship is a work in progress. A real man understands that a real marriage is not for time only; nor is it only until “death do [they] part.” It is for eternity.

Disclaimer: I realize that all I have written may seem idealistic and I am opening myself to various criticisms. That’s okay. I’m aware that finding a real man as described above may not be possible. We are all works in progress. Really all I need is someone who has a pure heart…and a little bit of chemistry!

Footnotes: This the the entire email I received. I added an * with a number to indicate where it was referred to.

THE MAN RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY , THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY.
( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR "THE RULES"
FROM THE FEMALE SIDE….
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1 "
ON PURPOSE! *1
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. *2
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. *3
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS, IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL. *8

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR. *9

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE *7

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT , JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE. *6

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE...

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE... REALLY .

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR HOCKEY. *4

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE! *5

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS..
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN -
TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN -
TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH.